I have a new appreciation for anyone who’s published anything on the App Store and Google Play.

As the philosopher Stefani once said, “This sh*t is bananas, b-a-n-a-n-a-s.”

I knew it was complicated.

I knew it takes a while.

But wow. You need a PhD in app stores to stand a chance.

Here are 10 things I wish I knew sooner for fellow vibe coders –

1️⃣ You need 12 testers to test your app for 14 days on Google Play Console before it’s released to production. Don’t wait. If your release is time sensitive, post a build asap and get testers right away.

2️⃣ You can get 12 testers for $20 on Testers Community or other sites. It’s a fast-ish solution.

3️⃣ Apple auth isn’t technically required for iOS, but they’ll give you grief if you don’t have it. Just do it and avoid the hassle.

4️⃣ If you don’t have an Android device, buy an Umidigi on Amazon for testing purposes. It’s the cheapest Android phone and it’ll do the trick.

5️⃣ Put your ToS and Privacy Policy links in the meta description of your app. Not obvious, but common rejection reason. Would’ve saved me 3 days.

6️⃣ App prices default to local currencies, so your pricing page should localize the currency or make it ultra clear what currency you’re using. I wish it behaved more like Stripe so I could just use USD for everyone, but hey, I also wish I didn’t have flat feet and scoliosis. Some dreams aren’t meant to be.

7️⃣ Add yourself as a licensed tester on Google Play before you start testing. I accidentally tested with a real credit card first, and now I’m stuck in payments purgatory and having to do workarounds. Would’ve been much easier if I was a tester first.

8️⃣ Look up the differences between Internal, Closed, and Open Tracks in Play Console sooner than later to save yourself an aneurysm. Tip: You usually “promote” releases from one to the next rather than manage them independently.

9️⃣ The most painful thing you’ll ever do is deep linking. Getting the different auth providers working with deep links is harder than it should be, so brace yourself.

🔟 Add 1 month to your release schedule to get everything figured out and account for wait times. It can take days to review tax forms, approve banking, and review builds, not to mention the 14-day testing window on Play Console.

I’m sure there are more but those are the first 10 that come to mind.

Whichever app builder (Lovable, Replit, v0 by Vercel, Bolt, etc.) can make this easier will win the vibe wars. In the meantime, it’s a heck of a consulting opportunity.